toast humor

red light special

"I like 'em attentive and I like 'em in control"

Go DJ!

OK, fine. The dog is probably not doing scratching on its own, but sometimes it's nice to just watch a video without actually analyzing every little thing. And its entertaining to watch a dog scratch something other than his ears.

One thing is for sure: this Frenchie has his Dog DJ swagg down. So nonchalant. He probably doesn't take requests.

Enjoy!

Girl are you ready to glow in the dark?

A fragrance industry veteran, J.Lo's is releasing her 18th scent since debuting Glow in 2002 - in case you are keeping count.

Glowing, a scent that she describes as an "evolution" of her first fragrance. According to Women's Wear Daily, Glowing is a floral woody amber that has notes of bergamot, mandarin and cypress along with sandalwood, vanilla and cashmere musk, amongst other tantalizing oils.

And what better way to promote the perfume than with a sexy ad. Naturally, Jen strips naked and poses with a... glowing orb thing. No perfume bottle. Just a glowing ring-shaped thing...

The perfume, which comes in a bottle that literally glows, will launch in the United States this May and will be sold exclusively in Kohl's Department Stores.

pass the dutchie on the left hand side

Dutch Master Mani

Shit Boston Girls Say

Again...I could not resist. Shockingly accurate.

Bang! Bang!

Amsterdam-based atelier Ted Noten has designed the "dior 001" gun that is part of a larger new series entitled "7 necessities for a women to feel like a woman through the eyes of a man."

This gun discreetly hides an antique hairpin, lipgloss, medicine (read: pill holder), a USB stick (with 'secret information') and a 100 gram sterling silver bar. Its made from a 3D printed nylon body with 18 carat gold details executed through traditional goldsmithing methods. Solid.

The other products in the "7 necessities" series include sunglasses, a bag, bionic arm piece, shawl and more.

I don't even know how to caption this photo

Joey Hudy, an 8th grader from Phoenix, shows off his marshmallow cannon to President Obama at the White House Science Fair.

AWESOME

I haven't shopped at JC Penny before, but I will now.

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger....

Red Carpet Manicure is launching their new luxe, limited-edition nail polish, Amor 24, in celebs' Grammy gift bags this weekend.

Red Carpet Manicure has blended fine gold dust with matching pigment into their gel base formula to create a "dripping in gold" look.

The development and production process took three months to get right. Over an ounce of 24K gold dust was used to create the limited-edition polish which will retail for $5,000 a bottle.

While Adele and Lady Gaga are getting the golden treatment in the gifting suite, I'll be at home painting my nails...with polish I bought for $9.99 :)

Roses are red, violets are Blue...you are lucky to be alive?

Homemade Valentine Checklist

• brightly colored construction paper
• scissors
• markers
• non-toxic paste
• "I Love You"
• A vaguely threatening message
  

Red gut, White paint, Red Velvet cake

Red velvet is one of the more popular flavors at Cupcakes Gourmet, a Philadelphia-based cupcake store. So popular that the bakery is releasing a new version of the treat just in time for Valentine's Day.

The Sparkling Red Velvet Cupcake is now available for $55,000.

While some luxe desserts call for edible gold leaf, white truffles or another expensive ingredient that restaurants use to create astronomically priced food items, Cupcakes Gourmet merely sticks an 8 carat engagement ring from Warwick Jewelers in the frosting.

It suits the store's slogan, 'Love Tastes Like This.'"

Ball So Nard

Kanye West and Jay-Z have released the video for "Niggas In Paris"

The video -- which West directed -- starts with footage of the duo's Los Angeles performance, a decision that was perhaps made to honor the number of times they rapped the song live (10 consecutive times at the show in question).

From there, the video becomes a mix of special effects (primarily kaleidoscopic) and concert footage.

I might have a seizure.

A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya

It's pretty much a given that women's bodies will be digitally altered for the sake of "beauty" -- and sales. However, when these standard practices are applied to more classic images, they become more obviously disturbing.

Italian artist Anna Utopia Giordano created a series of photoshopped classic nudes, entitled "Venus." Giordano's goal was to apply contemporary standards of attractiveness to paintings of centuries gone by.

"The model of beauty has evolved through human history, from the greek proportions of Policleto of Argos to the busty beauty of the Renaissance, leading up to the slender body of Twiggy and the contemporary athletic stars." says Giordano. "What would have happened if the aesthetic standard of our society had belonged to the collective unconscious of the great artists of the past?"

The women in Giordano's "Venus" series have had their thighs thinned out, their stomachs flattened and their breasts made bigger (and perkier). In some of Giordano's images the results are subtle -- we might not even question it unless we saw it side-by-side the original -- while others, such as Tiziano's "Venere de Urbino" are more glaring.

Check out the complete series here

I'm a Killa....whale

Do whales deserve constitutional protection against slavery? On February 8, a federal judge said 'no,' stopping a historic case filed by PETA against SeaWorld for violating the 13th Amendment on slavery. Five orcas were listed as the plaintiffs.

PETA filed the lawsuit last October, complaining that whales "were forcibly taken from their families and natural habitats, are held captive at SeaWorld San Diego and SeaWorld Orlando, denied everything that is natural to them, subjected to artificial insemination or sperm collection to breed performers for Defendants' shows, and forced to perform, all for Defendants' profit. As such, Plaintiffs are held in slavery and involuntary servitude."

PETA went on to request that the whales be freed and released to a habitat better suited to their needs.

Yesterday, U.S. District Judge Jeffrey Miller dismissed the case, in his ruling he said "the only reasonable interpretation of the Thirteenth Amendment's plain language is that it applies to persons, and not to non-persons such as orcas."

Before the ruling, PETA's attorney Jeffrey Kerr told HuffPost that the animal rights group's argument was based on the belief that "slavery doesn't depend upon the species of the slave, any more than it depends upon the race, gender or ethnicity of the slave. SeaWorld's attempts to deny orcas the protection solely based on their species is the same kind of prejudice used to justify any enslavement."

Following the ruling, SeaWorld wrote in a statement provided to HuffPost, "SeaWorld remains the standard for zoological stewardship of marine animals and we reject any challenge to the conditions and quality of care for these remarkable animals."

Both groups did voice one shared observation -- the remarkable nature of these animals. Often described as "the most social beings on the planet," orca whales stay with their families for their whole life and, like us, orcas have cultures within their own pods (communities). Not only do orcas communicate with one another, each pod has its own distinct dialect that is passed down from generation to generation.

However complex these animals are, can we really prove they are suffering from "enslavement?" And would the protection of nonhumans under the 13th amendment change the "personhood" status of animals?

Sophia Grace and Rosie Rap :)

Thought we had seen all these tiny tots can do??? Nope.

Check out their most recent performance on Ellen.

Gettin' Gronk Up in the Club

He may not be a Super Bowl champion, but there's little debating that Rob Gronkowski still FIESTA!

A few weeks ago, Rob Gronkowski introduced us to the phrase "Yo soy fiesta" and following Patriot's Super Bowl loss to the Giants, he proved why he is indeed, party.

Check out this video of Gronk at a club following Super Bowl (I have to admit this gets pretty gay at 2:23).

The Pats' TE d has certainly had a season worth celebrating regardless of the loss. Gronkowski wasn't the only Patriot attempting to dance away the pain as offensive lineman Matt Light was also there, and shirtless apparently.

Apparently, Gronk handled the loss better than Gisele....

crash dummy flow...you can bet I wreck

2 guys taking turns beating up a crash dummy tied to a tree. Upper East Side, NYC.

You Just Got Schooled!

English teacher (and spoken word artist) Mark Grist shows no mercy on his 17 year-old student Bradley "Blizzard" Green in a rap battle.

#lessonlearned

Girl, Look at that Body - I work out!

No time for the gym? You can get ripped in seconds with these Muscle Leggings from Black Milk Clothing for a mere 75 dollars.

These are extremely ugly and very ridiculous. I'm not sure anyone can pull these off...maybe a hardcore marathon runner?

Vending Machine Back Up Plans?

The student health center at Shippensburg University, a public institution of 8,300 students in the Cumberland Valley, provides the Plan B One Step emergency contraceptive in a vending machine along with condoms, decongestants and pregnancy tests. For $25, students at Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania can get the "morning-after" pill without coming face-to-face with another person.

Federal law makes the pill available without a prescription to anyone 17 or older and the school checked records and found that all current students are that age or older but that hasn't stopped U.S. Food and Drug Administration from contacting state officials and the university to gather facts.

Aspirin, ibuprofen, antacids and other common over-the-counter remedies have long been available in vending machines, but some see a trend in making drugs like Plan B, which is kept behind the pharmacy counter, available in a vending machine. It's part of the general trend that drugs are available for consumers without interface with a pharmacist or doctors.

In December, the Obama administration overruled drug regulators and stopped the Plan B pill from moving onto drugstore shelves next to condoms and other items. It remains available behind pharmacy counters. In addition, Teva Pharmaceuticals (which makes Plan B) said that it sells the product only to "licensed pharmacies or other licensed healthcare clinics, which are required to follow federal guidelines for the distribution of pharmaceutical products." On whether the machine might violate the law is unclear.

Also while the ease of access to such a machine could be positive for many women, could highly accessible "self-treatment" deter sexual assault victims from seeking medical attention?

I guess the administration representing a potent drug as no more harmful than a pack of Juicy Fruit gum kinda rubs me the wrong way...

Dat Shit Cray...fish

Scientists sampling a deep-sea trench in New Zealand got a surprise when their traps brought back seven giant prawns. The "supergiant" amphipods are more than 20 times larger than their typical crustacean cousins (generally less than a half-inch long).

"We pulled up the trap, and lying among the fish were these absolutely massive amphipods, and there was no inkling whatsoever that these things should be there," said Alan Jamieson, leader of the expedition that turned up the "supergiants."

The largest of the seven specimens was about 11 inches (28 cm) long

The pale, leggy creatures were found 4 miles down in the Kermadec Trench (off the northeast coast of New Zealand) - one of the deepest trenches on Earth.

In addition to the animals captured in the trap, a seafloor camera more than a mile (2 km) away spied at least nine supergiant amphipods.

A week later, when the expedition returned to the same spot, there was no sign of the supergiant amphipods, which was "very, very strange," Jamieson said.

The scientists are mounting a return sampling expedition to the same swath of deep sea off the coast of New Zealand in a week.

Throw some cheese on that bitch, Just bought a Big Mac

Apparently, fast food is bad for your health...but not for the reason you think.

When 37-year-old Evangeline Lucca bypassed the order screen and cut the drive-thru line at McDonalds on Friday afternoon, I bet she didn't know she was in for the shock of her life.

Authorities in Hope Mills, North Carolina reportedly used a stun gun on a Lucca who blocked a McDonald's drive-thru for 20 minutes after employees refused to serve her...because she cut the line pulling directly up to the window.

Lucca was subsequently shocked by deputies and charged with second-degree trespass.

In other frightening fast food news, a British man was attacked in a Glasgow KFC by two teenagers on Friday night. And by "attacked" I mean some kid bit his ear off.

Yep, that's right. The man was standing in line for food when he was confronted by three teenagers. He left without ordering but the harassers followed him out into the parking lot, where one of the teenagers apparently bit off half of the man's ear.

The attackers fled, and the biting victim was sent to a hospital. He had to undergo surgery to mend the ear.

I be on dat Kryptonite, Straight up on dat Kryptonite

I can't even lie. I know these are ridiculous but I would still wear them :)

5 1/2 inch heel, suede/patent leather with a fiercely spiked toecap. Doubles as a weapon. Form AND function, how do you like that?!

Christian Louboutin, Kryptonite Suede and Patent Leather Spike Pumps - $1,595

Stand By Your Man

Gisele said what EVERY Patriots fan was thinking last night ... Tom Brady needed some help from his teammates during the Super Bowl.

Apparently, the international supermodel aka Mrs. Tom Brady was on her way out of the stadium last night when she was heckled by New York Giants fans.

One who screamed, "Eli owns your husband."

Gisele didn't yell back ... but said, "My husband can not fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time."



#wellsaid

i sleep on pillow cases filled with money

I couldn't resist!

Just throw it in the bag

It doesn't get much fancier than the Queen of England. But for a fancy lady, her handbag seems to be filled with very common items. The Queen, who's currently celebrating her Diamond Jubilee, allegedly (and hilariously) uses her purse to signal to her attendants whether she's pleased or bored in the company of her guests and now a royal biographer is claiming she knows what's in the contents of Queen Elizabeth II's handbag.

Am I interested? Um, YES!

Sally Bedell Smith, author of Elizabeth the Queen: The Woman Behind The Throne, dished on the queen's purse contents in the Telegraph. Here are a few of the items:

• Reading glasses


• Mint lozenges


• A fountain pen


• "Rarely cash, except for the 'precisely folded' 5 pound or 10 pound note on Sundays," which she donates at church


• A small mirror and lipstick
  

I just died and went to superbowl halftime heaven

Ok, a slow start for the Pats but Madonna came out guns blazing!!!!

I had no idea what to expect...but in no way did this performance surprise me :)

No video up just yet but it involved some sort of Eqyptian crown, LMFAO, cheerleaders, Nikki Minaj, MIA, Ceelo Green, sequin robes, gospel choir, she disappears into a hole of smoke....did she leave anything out?

Oh yea. World Peace.

Game Day Attire - Super Bowl Edition

I just wouldn't feel right watching without my favorite Patriots socks...or my authentic Brady jersey...or my Pats snuggie...or my red lipstick!

Spirit Fingers!

Game Day Manicure

12 Minutes to Save the World

Tonight's Super Bowl half time show features the one and only Madonna.

Check out her football inspired video for "Give Me All Your Luvin'" feat. MIA and Nikki Minaj:

Too excited to sleep

"Our Brady, who art in Foxboro,

hallowed be thy arm.

Thy bowl will come, it will be won,

in Indiana as it is in New England.

Give us this Sunday, our weekly win,

and give us many touchdown passes,

but do not let the Giants pass against us.

Lead us not into frustration,

but deliver us to the valley of the sun.

For thine is the MVP, the best of the AFC,

and the glory of the Patriots, now and forever."

#gopats